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Location: Fremont, Wisconsin | it did not attach. sorry.
Edited by stacker 11/18/2008 1:43 PM
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| We will think about it;) |
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Posts: 744
| I thought about attaching once?
Some kids sleep in Superman pajamas....Superman sleeps in Chuck Norris pajamas.
When the Bogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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Location: Berlin | They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to
life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a
crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the
crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
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Location: Fremont, Wisconsin | what the hell did your grand parents do to you 2? |
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| There is no theory of evolution...only a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live. |
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| ROTFLMAO! This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time....you guys are goofy. 
Thanks for the laugh!
Juls |
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Posts: 744
| To some, Chuck Norris jokes are hilarious...others just shake their heads. I pity those headshakers....
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.
Our sister just got married, and let's just say Chuck Norris made several appearances in the guest book, and his name was whispered to the groom by my brother and I several times during the service. |
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| Just mentioning his name here you risk death or sudden death to family members> Good luck |
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Location: Berlin | If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two
seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
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Location: Berlin | Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Edited by Rich S 11/19/2008 2:38 PM
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Posts: 273
| Awesome posts! Made my day. |
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| There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is
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Posts: 273
| When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.
Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography
When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.
Just couldn't resist. |
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Location: Berlin | Scientists were searching for life on Mars until they found a hair from Chuck Norris's beard. It is now confirmed there is no life on Mars. |
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Posts: 82
| They don't call them the Virgin Islands since Chuck Norris vacationed there, just call them The Islands now.
We don't elect a president, Chuck Norris tells us who it will be.....no democracy allowed, this is a ChuckTatorship.
Edited by saugers2 11/20/2008 8:46 AM
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Location: Berlin | A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
Since 1940 (the year Chuck Norris was born), roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 9000% |
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| The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was an exhibition game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.
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Location: Berlin | Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Edited by Rich S 11/21/2008 8:55 AM
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Posts: 1656
| It is said that Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Edited by Jayman 11/21/2008 9:14 AM
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Posts: 885
| When he can catch 2 crawlers with one hand...I'll be impressed |
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Posts: 2300
Location: Berlin | To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Edited by Rich S 11/21/2008 11:09 AM
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Posts: 744
| Chuck Norris CAN believe It's Not Butter.
Chuch Norris is the only person on the planet who can kick you in the back of your face.
When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger. |
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Posts: 1656
| Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
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Location: Berlin | Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.
Chuck Norris’s belly button is actually a power outlet.
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Posts: 1656
| When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
Edited by Jayman 11/21/2008 1:16 PM
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Posts: 744
| This one may be going to far but....
In his spare time, Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters. And by "knit", I mean "kick" and by "sweaters" I mean "babies". |
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Location: Berlin | Upon hearing that his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance. With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour De France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.
Pinatas were made in an attempt to get Chuck Norris to stop kicking the people of Mexico. Sadly this backfired, as all it has resulted in is Chuck Norris now looking for candy after he kicks his victims.
Edited by Rich S 11/21/2008 1:53 PM
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| Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!” |
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Location: Berlin | On Valentine's Day, Chuck Norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies. Being very romantic, Chuck Norris believes every day should be Valentine's Day.
Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.
Chuck Norris doesnt consider it sex if the woman lives |
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| Go to google.com and search Find Chuck Norris. Then click "I'm feeling lucky".
A blind man bumped into Chuck Norris. The simple act of touching him cured the man's blindness. Unfortunately, the first and last thing the man saw was a fatal roundhouse kick to the face by Chuck Norris.
Edited by Jayman 11/21/2008 2:12 PM
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Posts: 63
| Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim through land
Scientist were wondering how dinosaurs became extinct until they found chuck norris shoe print in a T-Rex's skull
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. |
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| Chuck Norris wears a watch with no numbers. It simply reads "Time to Kick Ass" |
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A thinker?